I have always…
Hated depending on people for my own welfare. Growing up I never asked for anything. Ever. I turned down every simple offer that ever came before me. I’d even politely answer no when the grandparents offered me soda and candies. Every time they’d ask. “Do you want a brownie?” No, I’m okay… I’d say no. Some of it I guess I could blame on the upbringing, we weren’t that well off growing up and learned to live without. My dad… work was always very important, it was paramount. Because you’re always so close to the edge of not making it you’ve got to push and push and push to get anything at all. The ethic compounded in not asking for favors… We learned how hard it was to get anything in life. So wouldn’t it be so rude to ask for something that someone else must have toiled so hard to get? People offer all kinds of things just to be polite.
I told my host that I was going to get some laundry detergent and do laundry tomorrow. I told him that because he asked the reason I was piling all the rest of my stuff in through the door this evening. He proceeded to ask didn’t I know he had an entire bucket of detergent and why would I go to get my own?
Well… because, I didn’t want to use up all of yours. You surely use it.
He gave me a sideways look. “You really don’t think you’re at home do you?”
I looked down, smiled, and set the bucket of laundry beside me. My home… phew. “I’m… sorry it just doesn’t feel…”
His eyes smiled through his lenses in the lamplight. “You will.”
We ate Ramen at the table as he told me everything he thought about Shakespeare, philosophy, and romance. I listened patiently as I ate. Somewhere near the end he stopped short a sentence and turned to me. “This is a side of me…” He said. “No one sees this.”
I put down my spoon.
He said. “To most you see I’m a… comedian. I make people laugh most people smile when they see me coming. I entertain.” He sniffed, gathering his dignity. “Being here, alone… no one really ever sees any kind of serious side.” He turned back to his plate and fiddled with his noodles. “This is probably boring the hell out of you.”
I smiled at the silliness of the assumption. “Naw… It’s been a while since I’ve gotten to hear a really good story. And… you tell some really good ones. It’s worth hearing.”
He chuckled lightly. He doesn’t believe me.
I blinked… We’re the same. Never enough things we can do for the other person, and cannot stand to impose anything on anyone else. Heck of a backwards problem to have.
Something… I felt lighter suddenly.
“Do you want a brownie?”
I laughed a little. “Absolutely.”
I ate a brownie and listened to the world as it was 30 years before my existence.
This crazy guy is changing me…
Me… the guy who knows everything about himself…
Pfft.
Tags: aufenager, aussie, Australia, blessing, blog, bond, caleb, charity, city, freedom, freemonster, gift, human, jack, jessica, life, monsterbox, new, NYC, philosophy, providence, receiving, reception, roy, spirit, travel, york
You can comment below, or link to this permanent URL from your own site.
January 18, 2008 at 3:14 am
you certainly sound the same, I always wondered what the non comedic side of you was like.
January 18, 2008 at 4:12 am
His son…the one they call The Squabbler, is the the exact same way. He loves to tell stories and POH loves to listen…for reasons that probably only you, calebson, can fathom.
He always apologizes too. He always assumes he’s boring me. How wrong he is. Can I ever convince him otherwise? Who knows? How wrong Grandpa Squabbler is too.
They are the ones that Jesus spoke of, Caleb. The one’s the world is not worthy of. The son would say that about his father, but POH says that about the son too.
You have come upon some very special people. I’ve known that ever since I met Squabbler about a year ago. All you can do is love a guy like Grandpa Squabbler, Caleb. The same way I love Squabbler. All you can do is just love them with everything you have because they so deserve it. That’s all they really want anyway. Faith, hope and love…..it’s all that lasts.
When YOU learn to receive (which appears to be the lesson God is teaching you), as well as give, then you will be like them. If you can’t receive, Caleb, then you will rob them of the blessing that giving gives them. Yes, it’s more blessed to give than to receive. But if you don’t receive what another has to give then they don’t get the blessing due them.
Make his mansion your home, Caleb. Then you will have given him the only gift he asks from you.