Turning Blackjack

If you have not heard HelloGoodbye’s “Here in your arms.” Than your ears have missed an orgasm.

It is Tuesday, July 29th my birthday was yesterday but I missed because I was working a ten hour shift. I did get a lot of phone calls though and they left a lot of messages. I immediately must have subconciously decided to COMPLETELY ruin the day by losing my phone charger so I can’t even listen to the messages. Oh wait… that’s right, before my phone died I recorded them all into the computer and am creating a mashup of all the clips into one hilarious montage of brithday wishing fun all cued to the tune of (you guessed it) HelloGoodbye sings it “Here in your arms!” That’ll probably be up by tomorrow but if I’m super-duper bored and I could be because I have the whole day off this tuesday then I might have it up by tonight. If this happens you’ll see it at the end of this paragraph.

BTW as a message to all the messagers who I can’t call back: I AM NOT COMING BACK HOME!!! YARG!!!

I mean… sure, I will eventually, but not yet, k? I’ll call you when I’m gonna be around because by then I’ll have my phone charger again.

There’s nothing really intense to talk about today. There was but I wrote it all on notebook paper while I was at work. It was dark and serious and real emo and whatever. And I lost it. So you don’t dark and serious and emo instead you get NEWS!!!

:: A couple of days ago New York City will filled with a load of cyclists for the monthy Critial Mass ride through Times Square. I have no idea what this is about but from the looks of the video it’s just a bunch of people on bicycles riding around the square while people stand on the sidewalks cheering. This is all well and good and apparently it’s normal enough but for one cyclist things changed up a bit when a NYC cop casually walks up to the guy and THROWS HIM OFF THE BIKE!

Just off 46th street Officer Patrick Pogan a third generation cop for reasons not yet adequately explored took a stroll through the parade with a vengeful mischeif on his mind, picked out our unknown cyclist and from a his feet was able to hit knock the guy all the way into the sidewalk.

The guy holding the camera hollered the appropriate “Whoa!” And took in the whole event, posting it to YouTube soon after.

There was some sort of followup story that I could find again something about the cop knowing the cyclist from earlier in the day when he’d been riding and either sideswiped his squadcar or some similar offense and that the dude on the bike had resisted arrest. The guy on the bike is like “What? No I didn’t! You just outright hit me on my bike for no reason!”

Cop says “No I didn’t. You were resisting arrest!”

Rider says “No. I was riding my bicycle.”

Normally this my word against yours thing ends up in favor of the cop but Mr. Tourist posted the video and five thousand people watched it and went “Awe… no he just whacked that guy off the bicycle.” Not only ruining the officer’s credibility but creating probably the funniest video online this month.

:: In other sad but funny news a Swedish couple tried to name their newborn kiddo “Brfxxccxxmnpcccclllmmnprxvclmnckssqlbb11116” as a means of protesting Sweden’s NameLaw1982:670 which makes it illegal name a child anything insulting, or outright ridiculous. Elizabeth and Lasse Diding called it expressionism and artistic. The Swedish court system called it retarded and fined them $700 (5000 kronor). Apparently the Swedish courts don’t understand exactly how awesome a name like “Brfxxccxxmnpcccclllmmnprxvclmnckssqlbb11116″ makes you, especially when (according to the parents) there is actually a way to pronounce this name. The mother and father explained that when spoken aloud “Brfxxccxxmnpcccclllmmnprxvclmnckssqlbb11116″ maintained the phonetic equivalent of “Albin.” Following the fine the couple tried to rename the kid “A” (still pronounced Albin) and the courtrejected their artistry again citing the obvious: “It’s a one letter name. You’re still retarded. Get off your stupid soapbox and give him a real name for pete’s sakes.”

I envy just about everyone in this situation. I envy the courts for having an off day and generating a free $700 out of the stupidity of the citizenry. I envy the kid for having a name like Brfxxccxxmnpcccclllmmnprxvclmnckssqlbb11116 because seriously, no one has that name. I don’t even that exact series of letters has been used in any context anywhere else EVAR. And I envy the parents because they live in Sweden which is apparently so peaceful and unextraordinary that they decided to protesta random law just for the sake of protesting it at the expense of their own child who was probably conceived for no other reason. Way to go parents! Some people are more civil and just beat their children when they’re bored.

:: Don’t click on this unless you want to almost see almost naked people pictures. Fabulous, a fashion/health magazine out of Britain completed a study that is tearing women’s minds out. After polling thousands of randoms. Men and women and results separated on that distinct line, turns out that women and men are on completely different terms concerning what about a woman looks good.

Women in the survey returned dramatically similar results, model bodies, size eight and below were chosen as the most desireable image on a MASS scale. Results from the men? Not what you’d think. The majority of the men reported with a shrug that actually? We like our women larger and curveyer, the majority, by at least FOUR SIZES.

The poll revealed nothing like the editors predicted, assuming men would hail for the thin, modellic sculptures of magazines and commercials and instead the only fact that emerged was that men really don’t care as much as capitalism suggests and the only ones onboard the assumption that the ‘perfect’ hollywood body makes you any more attractive to men is women.

The most polar result of this poll concerned men to their current partners and when asked if they could change their bodies would they the majority said no, not at all, I like her the way she is. What did men want? Nearly 80% polled said they just wished their partner were more body-confident. “the only thing they’d wish for is that we’d all love our bodies as much as they do.”

:: Keira Knightly must have figured it out recently refusing any enhancements to her body in publicity for “The Dutchess.” Lil’ miss Knightly, who apparently got some flak for allowing such photoshopping in the “King Aurther” promotions has insisted that the new movie leave her figure untouched.

:: In news that you’re not going to understand unless you’ve spend the last few years hobbying quantum physics someone reportedly figured out how to build a warp drive. You’re like “What? A warp drive? Like in Star Treks?”

Yup yup. Like in Star Treks.

The idea has been getting some serious attention in the physics world because by definition the device should be able to allow something to move BEYOND the speed of light. GOOD THING! What’s the not so good thing? Scientists figure that while it works they probably won’t have one up and running in the next couple thousand years and.. oh yeah it would require burning the energy of a small sun to operate it. That’s about 1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 AA batteries, or as Lawrence Ford put it “turning the total mass of Jupiter and turning it into raw energy as per the equation E=mc2.”

:: Turning to the even MORE bizarre, this one out of Miami, a guy named James Harris was arrested for stealing at least three city buses from Miami-Dade public transit depots. The guy must have just really like buses or had the same problem that our Swedish couple had. He would take the buses in the mornings, drive them along their correct routes, collect fares, and return the buses at the end of the day. The dude didn’t even keep the fares! Either something massively brilliant is afoot and he’s just not let us in on it, or James Harris is one massively misunderstood individual.

Our boy was charged with grand theft in multiple counts but it seems even after investigation that he really did nothing more than “steal” work.

Wanna know something ridiculous? This guy is being held in a prison, meanwhile in a similar case a Melbourne Australia teen who did the exact same thing with the city’s tram system has been offered a job! Story here.

:: Stupid-of-the-Day award goes to the more than fifty people in India who have been blinded because they’ve been looking for the image of the Virgin Mary in the sun. I’m not even going to talk about this story. I’m just going to link to it and suggest that next time you’re telemarketed you ask about it. Pfft.

:: And the by far COOLEST thing I’ve come across lately would have to be a little site called Spreeder. This little gagdet will determine how fast you read WPM and, probably, hike that speed by quite a bit if you use it often. Love this little toy I have been using it for everything I read today (which as you’ve seen is quite a lot). I read comfortably at 700 words per minute, I can do it well at 1000, and anything beyond that I get a little sketchy. Seriously, give it a try.

That’s all I’ve got for today, till tomorrow, or whenever I write again.

_Caleb

Explore posts in the same categories: Uncategorized

Tags: 21, bike, blackjack, blog, body, box, Brfxxccxxmnpcccclllmmnprxvclmnckssqlbb11116, brithday, bus, caleb, charger, cop, cyclist, drive, fabulous, freemonster, happy, harris, hit, image, island, james, li, long, lost, magazine, mary, miami, miami-dade, monster, monsterbox, NY, NYC, phone, police, poll, reader, roy, speed, spreeder, steal, stealing, stole, stories, sun, technology, transit, virgin, warp

You can comment below, or link to this permanent URL from your own site.